Worthless Prayer

I heard Stafford North say one time, "Sometimes prayer is just meditating on a thought with God." Maybe that's what I was doing for a couple minutes tonight.

I haven't blogged much lately.

Exhausted.

I've always got blog posts buzzing around in my head. Things happen I think are worth sharing and I put the experience into words in my mind as I'm going about the day.

But every night our son, Noah, is crying. (Ironically, his name means settled.)It's hard to think straight and clear in an environment where someone is screaming their head off and our coping abilities are at their 24-hour low. Even if Nicole is the one holding Noah and trying to calm him, I seem to just check Facebook statuses or something aimlessly.

Tonight, Noah seemed inconsolable. I say, "Give him to me." I put him in the sling my Mom made. I head out the door a few minutes before 9 PM. He relaxes and goes to sleep, quiet the entire way to Woolworth's--where I buy eggs, milk, and yogurt--and back (except for his screaming at the checkout).

On the walk back I'm thinking about something I've observed in myself lately. The other day I'd caught my mind saying, "You're worthless!" to myself after dropping the butter dish lid on the counter. I thought, Something's wrong. I realize I've said similar messages to myself many times over my life.

What to do? I said, How can this false message be countered for the sake of redeeming my mind and my self?

Tonight, while I'm walking back up the hill in the peaceful night with Noah in the sling and a bag of basic groceries, I repeatedly say aloud and with conviction:

Lord, even though I sometimes call myself--"Worthless!"
I still love and accept myself
Because YOU do already.

It was a prayer that just really made sense tonight as I looked up at stars in the sky and heard distant pets and insects and carried my son and felt blessed. I don't know that I've ever really doubted God's love for me (even me), but it seems like I need some extra help to see us as we really are, lovable and acceptable. After all, Jesus said, "Love God and love your neighbor as you love yourself." I don't want to call anyone "Worthless!" even if it's just in my head and to me!

And by the time I got home, Noah was so relaxed and quiet that I had a chance to type this post in peace.

New Family Member

I wanted to introduce our new son, Noah Kai, so here are some meanings that might go with his name as well as some video footage of the beginning of his new life.

Psalm 96:11

Let the heavens rejoice and the earth be glad.
Let the sea and everything in it roar like thunder.

Matthew 5:9

Blessed are those who make peace.
They will be called God’s children.

Genesis 1:2

The Spirit of God was hovering over the water.

Genesis 5:29

He named him Noah [Relief], and said, "This child will bring us relief from the work and painful labor of our hands since the LORD has cursed the ground."

Genesis 6:9

Noah had God's approval and was a man of integrity among the people of his time.

Genesis 7:7

Noah, his sons, his wife, and his sons' wives went into the ship to escape the floodwaters.

Genesis 9:20

Noah, a gardener, was the first person to plant a vineyard.

Luke 17:26

"When the Son of Man comes again, the situation will be like the time of Noah.

Noah means peaceful and settled. I also think of the Noah whose family was saved by water. And I think of that Noah as being a gardener of sorts in a new creation. He previews Christ who is actually the preeminent gardener of the new creation, not only ultimately, but also now through people like, I hope, my own son. [Genesis 6:9, 9:20; John 20:15]

Kai means rejoice or ocean. We hope he will rejoice in the Lord. May God’s Spirit, which hovered over the waters also hover over our son. [Genesis 1:2; Psalm 96:11]